Building Social Lifelines During Isolation
A teenager with earlobe-length lavender hair, black hoodie hiding their hands and blocking their mouth, looks off-camera and says, tentatively at first, then louder when asked to repeat themselves, holding back tears, “Mom, I’m trans. I am a boy.”
Jasper Rodatz is a 19-year-old living at home. He came out to his parents as transgender earlier this year and posted portions of the ensuing argument on TikTok as @jaspertheelflord. The first video, in which Jasper’s mother refuses to respect his pronouns and name choice, has over 10 million views.
It’s nothing new that the LGBTQ+ community has a fraught relationship with social media. For some of us who live in conservative areas, it can be a lifeline of support and reassurance that we are not alone—or a place where self-expression is embraced rather than shunned. Sometimes.
The internet, of course, can also be cruel. GLAAD’s recent Social Media Safety Index found that all major social platforms are “effectively unsafe for LGBTQ users,” due in large part to unchecked hate speech and harassment. Some platforms even enforce policies that hide or shadowban LGBTQ+ content.
Regardless of the potential risks of harassment, though, finding a safe and supportive online community became imperative for trans and gender-nonconforming young folks during the isolation of the pandemic. Teenagers have the lowest risk of mortality from COVID-19 of any age group, but they are not immune to the consequences of sheltering in unsupportive homes. Before the pandemic, queer and gender non-conforming youth were far more likely to experience depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts than their peers. Take away the support of friends and access to queer spaces and those problems intensify.
Dr. Izzy Lowell of telehealth provider QueerMed says many trans teens were isolated or homeschooled prior to COVID, so they know how to make those necessary online connections. They already relied on virtual support systems because, she says, “there are typically few trans youths in any geographical community.” Virtual social connection is not new for the trans community—it’s just more important than ever before, especially for teens in unsupportive households.
Jasper has several videos that indicate he feels unsafe at home. His mother ignores him or pretends he never came out. She uses female pronouns and Jasper’s “deadname,” or his given name. Jasper’s father is more aggressive. When Jasper had a panic attack after his regular doctor denied him hormone therapy because it “goes against [the doctor’s] religion,” he came home to a verbal assault of transphobic slurs from his father.
“I really wanna move out, but I have to have a car to do that,” Jasper says in a Q&A video. “I don’t know what to do right now.” In another video, Jasper sits in front of a pink-yellow-blue pansexual flag. He asks his followers if they also don’t want to eat or shower or go to the bathroom, basically leave their room at all, until their parents go to sleep.
Though living at home takes a toll on his mental health, Jasper knows it could be worse. His parents have not been physically violent and haven’t threatened to kick him out. And as difficult as recent months have been for Jasper, coming out has allowed him to begin to physically transition, albeit without parental support.
“I just want to say thank you for all the support I have been receiving,” says a recent text-to-voice video of Jasper’s. “I didn’t expect those videos of me coming out to blow up, but I’m glad they did so hopefully I can spread awareness about trans people coming out and how scary it is.”
Despite actively suppressing content by users thought to be “vulnerable to cyberbullying,” TikTok has become a huge platform for the LGBTQ+ community. But it’s not the only avenue for trans teens to find support and help online. Katie Leikam, a licensed social worker and therapist who specializes in gender issues, says much of her work the past year shifted to support young people who were unable to get necessary medical treatment or who were cut off from social support. “For kids who didn’t have a support group already,” says Leikam, “it’s virtually impossible to make new friends.”
Leikam says many of her clients learned to take advantage of more easily moderated and community-based forums like Discord, Reddit and the queer-focused social platform Trevor Space. Founded and moderated by The Trevor Project, a national platform providing crisis and suicide prevention services to young LGBTQ+ people, Trevor Space is a networking site exclusively for queer, trans and gender-nonconforming youth between the ages of 13-24. The platform is a hub of discussion forums dealing with gender identity, coming out, navigating queer relationships and anything else users want to process. Think of it as teen-run online group therapy. Most users are on Trevor Space in addition to other, less regulated platforms, but it is nice to have a dedicated safe space. These virtual communities have helped some teens process identity outside of homogenizing institutions like school and church.
In fact, the isolation of COVID-19 has been freeing for some queer teens. Trevor Space user @dededont says Discord helped her discover her gender identity — and find a girlfriend, whom she plans to move in with this year. User @ellie-may says she feels less pressure to conform to expected gender norms. And the popularity of Jasper’s TikTok videos — which range from emotional venting to education to showing off his six pets — has helped him start hormones and get a chest binder. He hopes to be able to pay for top surgery soon through a linked GoFundMe campaign.
GoFundMe is a popular way for trans and gender-nonconforming young people to seek help from their community for necessary medical care. Transition-related care for minors is rarely covered by insurance and is currently under threat of being criminalized in no less than 16 southern and mid-western states.
In states where these transition care bills are likely to pass, QueerMed attempts to provide as much medication as possible to current clients. Still, it’s not ideal. If the laws pass, Lowell says, “we will not be able to properly monitor treatment or help with any other aspects of transition.”
Leikam, too, is concerned about the proposed legislation, but she says she tries not to let it impact her work:
“You go into this work believing that everybody is a person, and everybody deserves the same respect, the same medical care. So, you just keep working, you know?”
According to the US Census, nearly two percent of high school students identify as transgender. Many of them don’t have reliable access to necessary medical care. But online platforms can also be a place for advocacy and alternative care. Donating to mutual aid groups like For Our Sibs, an Atlanta-based collective that supports Black trans, gender nonconforming and intersex people, is a great way to show your support for the community.
Other trans-supportive groups include:
Trans Defense Fund LA, which provides self-defense kits and resources to Black trans folks in LA.
Gender Reveal, a podcast that explores the range of trans experience and awards grants to trans artists and activists of color.
QueerCare, which provides free pre- and post-op care for queer individuals undergoing gender-affirming surgeries.
Transanta, which delivers gifts to trans youth in need.
Trans Justice Funding Project, a funding initiative to support grassroots trans justice groups run by and for trans people.
You can also support trans creators directly through GoFundMe campaigns and their social platforms.
Happy Pride, be safe, you are loved.
Graphic made by Director of Marketing, Karla Rubalcalva
If you or someone you know is LGBTQ+ and in need of support, contact The Trevor Project’s national 24-hour hotline or call the LGBT National Youth Talkline at 800-246-7743.